DUDE's KIDDO's SURPRISE

ok...so....tomorrow...is the day!!! we get to take his kids in to see him!!!! I so wish I could take my camera to capture that KODAK MOMENT!!! after....8 months of not seeing them! He will be so STOKED!!! imagine it............thanks.

Cord's family

This pix was taken just before Cord went in to rehab after being caught for dealing drugs.

gramps and Cord's Kids...plus SIS

our little 2 year old...who knew???

Happy July Birthdays!

Kim July 5th~ Jana July 20th~ Mom July 25th

MAY ALL YOUR WILDEST DREAMS COME TRUE!

JOURNAL ENTRY: June 28, 2010

Another fun filled day. We have "tribunals" in here where you get consequences if you break rules or get too many "pull-ups". (write ups or calls on each other...hence the snitching) We had one today where the guy got put on RRG, which is where you have to clean for three hours with a toothbrush every day starting at 5:30 a.m. for three months or however long the tribunal decides. You get no visits, no tv., no games. You can't talk to anyone while you are on it. It's crazy!

Well, the one guy was leaning over a wall and his celly walked up behind him and was doing homosexual gestures behind him and he turned around and saw him and made a "call" on him and he got tribunaled. HA. It's funny because there is so much homosexual horseplay in here..it's nuts!

Anyway, I watched the Bachelorette today and I'm over it. My dude I wanted to win, Justin, has a girlfriend and left the show and the rest of the episode was boring.

I did get my CD player today and my Jack Mackeral, so I'm set. I borrowed a CD from my buddy Beeman and I am set to roll.

I stayed awake and watched Kimmel, I like having some sort of laughter during the day and he makes me laugh.

What's with the people in here? No one gets my sarcastic humor. I don't know if they are intimidated and think that I'm being serious or what, but COME ON. (Cord really IS funny..ed. note)

I got a letter from Jana with the new shows coming on for the summer. How I do miss Dish network. I guess it's just one more reason that I shouldn't come back to prison.

There really hasn't been too much going on. I wake up at 11:00 a.m. and then eat lunch, then work out around 1 or 2, then wait for dinner at 4:15 (Yes, I'm on retirement home hours), then shower, do my 7:00 p.m. job then watch T.v. till 1:00 or so and wait for the next day. It dos by fast, but man, it's boring sometimes. I'm ready to see another fight, HA! But I am really grateful that I'm safe for the most part and that I am fortunate enough to have a CD player and a t.v. to help break up the monotony of it all. It would be really bad if I had nothing to do. think of sitting in a 15x20 room with 12 other people and tell me you wouldn't go nuts. Ya, it's THAT BAD. After a while you get sick of everyone in here.

My celly drives me nuts. Apparently my mom didn't deliver the code to Echo Charlie Bravo, so he is mad at me and steals all my commissary! HA! HA! (this is in reference to a story in the past where Cord's cellie wanted to get a phone number of a girl, so Cord talked to Josh on the phone and asked him to call Tager who has a cell phone and ask Tager to ask Echo who lives with the grandma, to write to Cord's cellie Randy who's nickname is Mufasa who gave Echo a tattoo.... as you can see when Josh told us this message we were a little skeptical because it sounded like a lot of "code" words for drugs or something....I finally called the number to get a hold of Tager but it wasn't even her phone...and it was DRAMA from there, as HOW did I get this phone number? We don't want anything to do with drugs and wierd messages--etc...blah blah..it could be a Seinfeld episode for sure! ... So I had to tell Cord that whoever was at the end of the phone did NOT want to write to his cellie. period. It has been a joke ever since that Cord was trying to get us involved in getting drugs into the prison system. ed.note.)

I heard on a commercial that we spend 20,000 hours in our lives KISSING! How many hours are in 270 days because that' s how many days I have left. It wlll go fast, though.

June 30. 2010 Wednesday

I was re-assessed today and I received my level 4, which allows me to get a job outside of the gate as soon as I'm done with my second track in two months. I got my CD player and I've been borrowing CD's from my buddy, Beeman, so my time is filled with music and tv . what a life, right?

I was watching tv last night and a commercial came on where you call and talk to live singles in my area. But, what was weird is that all the girls were talking on the phone in their underwear. Usually, when I'm talking on the phone, I'm picturing the other person with regular clothes on, but I guess they are in their underwear??? Hmmm, something to think about, I guess.

And, I guess that on the new Iphone you can see the other person if they have an iphone also. This makes for disaster if your boss calls you and you're at the mall and you're saying you are at a conference and he is seeing the Chinese people working in the food court behind you...

July 1st, 2010

..I MISS MY KIDS!!

July 2nd. Friday

Yesterday, I wasn't having a good day. Just kind of down all day. I ended up staying awake til 3:30 a.m. I was listening to music, then I watched Jimmy Fallon, then Jimmy Kimmel and then I turned on the movie and Mission Impossible 2 was starting, so I watched it, except they play it off of the computer hard drive and they forgot to maximize the window, so on my 13" tv, I watched the movie on a 7" screen. I guess it's bette than when I watched a movie in Rehab on my Ipod Nano 1.5" screen, but today I was tired all day.

It's weird how different personalities clash. We almost had another fight while our COP/Fake Isac was in here today. We were having a group meeting/tribunal and the dude flipped out. Anyway, he got taken to "E" level where he only gets out ONE HOUR EVERY THREE DAYS! that's the option I have if I don't want to do the HOPE program!

July 4, 2010

July 4th and they didn't even let me go out and watch the fireworks....Talked to my parents...they sound like they are doing good. Still not much going on. I watched "Romeo Must Die" with Jet Li and Agliah. Then watched some Wimbleton Tennis. Some Indy racing with Danica Patrick, then Animation Domination...really, really Uneventful...other than going to church with all the Mo's. I thought prison was full of drug crimes but down at the other building a lot of sex crimes. EW!!

I was talking to a couple guys today and I heard both of them say, "MY parole officer hates me...that's why I'm here!" And I remembered that I used to say that...No, My P.O. didn't hate me, if I wasn't doing stupid stuff, then I wouldn't have been put in this situation, so learn from my mistakes and have no regrets and fear nothing!

It does make me upset and angry that I can't see my kids. Not getting to see my kids for 18 months, will they even know me? Will they want to be my friend and will everything be cool? I don't want to have resentment on my part that my ex won't let them in to see me. If you're not with me, your'e against me. and also THANKS to all my "friends" who could care less to drop me a letter. and my A.A. sponsor, thanks for watching over my ex-wife. HA. I'll see you for sure...bet on it.

Come to prison, I heard that it makes you soft. I guess that's what people are thinking. Don't disrespect me and think we're going to be cool.

HA HA, Live links..that's the commercial with the girls on the phone. It just came on. It must only air late nights. What a stupid commercial..it makes me laugh.

Man #1: Where are you right now?

Woman #1: oh, I'm at my house leaning against the doorway in my underwear.

Man #1: I'm so glad I called this random number and I got a woman in her underwear. HA

I do like watching Scrubs. I used to hate it, but now it's funny. It's weird how your styles and perceptions change when you are at different stages in your life.

I did get a letter from my FAV cousin, AMber and she suggested that I move to So. Cal and work at Disneyland. Do they hire Non-Asians or more importantly, Felons? I guess I could put on the Goofy costume and walk around? Hey, I'm open to options at this point.

Well, I'm going to go walk around because everyone is asleep, so more mannana.....

July 7, 2010 Wednesday

ANOTHER DAY DOWN...stayed up late watching Late Night again, then had to wake up at 9:00 a.m. for a tribunal again. It was so boring. We were having drama in our section. The dude that flipped out and went "E" level, I guess came back, but he is in section "D" instead of 'B" with me. WEll, he wasn't taking "accountability" for yelling and telling two guys to "F" off. If you yell at someone, it's considered a breach of violence and it's an instant tribunal, so that's what I had to do this morning. Well, he got RRG so he should have fun with that. ALong with not being able to talk to anyone during the day, if you have any electronics: T.V., radio, CD player, they take it from you til you're off RRG. ALso, you can't order any commissary except hygiene and no one can give you food, so it's a mess.

After that, it was lunch and then I was going to work out but I went down to my case worker to see how much money was on my account. Well, I went down yesterday and I still only had $2.00 and my celly Wiss, went down with me and the case worker asked what he was doing and he said, he was just my training wheels. They both had a good laugh. Then, he asked what I needed and I said that I needed to check my account so that I could pay for my protection and he didn't think that was very funny. SThat's when he told me I had $2.00, so when I went back down there today, he had me close his door and asked if Wiss was really charging me protection. I started to laugh and said, NO, I don't need protection. He said, "Well, I talked to the lieutenant and so we might be calling you out to talk to you.:

Onc again, people aren't getting my sense of humor/sarcasm. Oh well, I'll beout soon and be able to joke with people again.

It's been a weird day. I've been in kind of a giddy mood. I don't know if it's the Mountain Dew or what, but I've been bouncing off the walls. Talk about mood swings....a few days ago I was feeling down, but whatever...

I watched TV "Castle" and SYTYC dance..kind of boring, but I can't complain...ordered my cd's , so looking forward to that in 2-6 weeks. Mom wants me to join the choir, but we will see. Not the best voice, I'll admit it...

I've been falling asleep with The Black Eyed Peas on and it's been giving me even weirder dreams. I didn't think that was possible.

July 8 2010THURSDAY

Today was okay. I received a package from someone in Big Foot, Montana and it was returned. That was nice of them? There wasn't a name on the return address, so who knows.

I fell asleep early last night because all the talk shows were re-runs and I still slept till 11:00 a.m. I only have this weekend and then the summer break is over.

They are changing our LSAC once we go back on line, so it will be interesting to see what changes will be made.

We had a community meeting today and each crew had to do a cadence and our LSAC gave the community 2000 points, so maybe we will cash them in for popcorn and a movie. The movie today is War of the Worlds, so we'll see if Late Night is new or old and see if I'll watch it or not.

Tonight I watched the Community Marathon, I caught up on some of the episodes I missed while in County Jail. It's very very funny and I have the rest of my Pod watching it now.

Weekend movies...Friday: Napolean Dynamite , Julie, Julia; Saturday: Remember Me;Sunday: 12 Rounds with john Cena MORE TOMORROW>......

July 9 JULY IS 1/2 OVER.....

More of the same today; Black-eyed peas, a corn dog and a baked potatoe and chili for dinner. Watched super ex-girlfriend-stupid. Watched Julie and Julia-boring and watched Napolean Dynamite- MEH...it was okay.

Worked out-did push ups and dips. Now just waiting to see if the Late Night shows are re-runs? I watched War of the worlds til 1:00 a.m. last night. It was better than I had remembered. But once again, weird dreams I really don't sleep well once the light come on at 5:30 a.m. then, I wake up at 6:00 to eat breakfast, then the cops are always coming on the speaker so it wakes me up.

I watched Friday Night Lights and Flashpoint tonight. It's weird to see movie previews that are coming ot this summer an dI won't be able to watch them. At least, I'll be out NEXT summer to see them. I can't believe that ALL of 2010 I'll be locked up. It really makes me SICK to my stomach and I guess a good deterrent to NOT EVER COME BACK!

I was going to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but things like that really make me hard time and miss my kids. I have pics that mom sent in and they are getting TOO big. SAD and their mom won't even let me talk to them on Sunday's when I call home or let them come see me.

I caught the end of Ellen today after my workout and it ahd this couple who had this newborn and it had to have open heart surgery when it was only 16 days old. It was sad. The baby is fine now, but I really had to hold back tears, it was so sad. Just made me realize how bad I screwed up and that this isn't the life I want to live. I really just want to see their faces and be able to hold them. Steph is stubborn. I hope she can think about how it's affecting the kids not being able to see their dad.

That's it...I'm done.

JULY 10 2010

Thank you Tiny Nutcrackers, who look like little soldiers...obviously the "don't ask-don't tell" rule doesn't apply in your army. Otherwise, you wouldn't be so cavalier about putting all those nuts in your mouth!....(heard on Late Night)

Today went by fast, only one more day till we're back up on line. My parents and sister came to visit me today .

July 11, 2010

I got distracted last night. The movie "Remember Me" came on at 11:45 and so I started to watch it. It's probably one of the better movies that I have watched recently. It's very real and makes you think. the ending is a definite trip Fo Sho. Even though it does have Rob Pattinson in it, I still like it. I ALMOST didn't watch it because she was in it HA

But after it kind of made me like him even though he is dating Bella from Twilight (Kristen Stewart) and she is always looking down. Hold your head up HIGH Sweetheart! You're RICH now!

ANyway, I went down to the LDS services at 7:00 a.m. to see what the choir is all about and it was all right. Basically, all you do is sing HAHA. Came back at 10:00 and waited for lunch and then watched the movie "12 Rounds" with John Cena. It was one of his better movies, unfortunately he needs to stick to wrestling. I also sent out for CD's today, so another thing I have to look forward to. Should or could take 2-6 weeks. I wish they would let people order online, it would make it alot quicker, but the prison wants to get theirs also.

Oh, it's my ex-wife's birthday today. ha it's funny that I remembered when I wrote 7-11. I guess all's well that end's well. I am still mad that she won't let the kids come see me. It's hurting them more than it's getting back at me. Hmmm, if she goes to prison will my parents get a shot at raising them? I'll have to look into that....

well, summer break is over and April is getting closer daily. We live, we get old, we die. I hope life on the streets is still as good as it was. I'm starting on my assignment for the month. I have to tell how drugs have impacted myself. Well, let's see, I'm in prison, what else do you need to know? Dumb...pen's dying, so more tomorrow.

July 13, 2010

Had sort of a 1/2 day today. We had 3 meetings, one this morning where all the "pull ups" were read off. I wrote my first one and I've made around 8 calls on people. It's different addressing people;s behaviors but it's getting easier. then at 10:00 we had an assignment meeting where someone read off their impact on self,very boring. Then at 2:00 we had a tribunal and the guy that had read his impact also got the tribunal for excessive pull-ups. If you get 6 in a month, you get a tribunal.

At 12:00 I went to the yard and figured that I didn't need to put sunscreen on. bad idea--my head is fried! It hurts bad. then had a slice of Hawaiian pizza for dinner and took a nap. I hope I sleep tonight because I have to get up at 5:30 a.m. again mananna...

Last night I was having a hard time sleeping. I was really mad that Steph won't let me see the kids. I just listened to music and tried to calm down, but I was P___ed off. Me and Tay have been close since she was born and she will be starting kindergarten and I won't be there to take her, so why won't she let my parents bring her and Buds in to see me, so I can hold them and keep that relationship I've built with them? Whatever. If she wants to play games, we'll play.

More tomorrow....

July 17, 2010 Thank you Lance Armstrong! for competing in another grueling Tour de France, even though you're almost 40!!

That takes alot of Ball.

The days go by quicker once I'm in Track. We have new classes this track:

Parole planning

Saving Marriage (a little late for that)

Building relationships

and a couple of others.

It's Saturday night and the movies for the weekend were:

How to lose a guy in 10 Days

Bounty Hunter

21 tomorrow. It's been hard waking up at 5:30 but I've been going to bed early and I guess that's what the weekend is for.

I'm in charge of doing the Drill and Cadence competition this track. Mr. Cameron Bolli who is the Dr. that got sent here by his ex-wife. We are going to try and win it. He is probably the one guy I like the most here. He is my buddy anyway.

I'm looking forward to August, one more month down. I can't believe that July is almost over. It seems like it just started!

Happy birthday to the July ladies, Kim,Jana, mom

cord's cute kids

Steph is giving me guardianship to take the kids in to see Cord. Won't he be SURPRISED???

Official Release Letter

siblings

If anyone is interested....

there are six pages of "product" that McCord can choose from...here is a sample of his shopping list.

Who's got Cord's back???

JULY 10,2010

We get 4 visits every month now, so we decided to surprise McCord with another visit, even though we had just seen him on Monday. He can earn up to 12 visits a month, since some people live far away and will rent a hotel and then stay for a weekend, going in to see their loved one 3 times a day, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, 8-5, two hour visits.

Cord said he was surprised that he had visitors. He had slept til 11:00 and then had lunch. We got there around noon and had to go through security (Mike's knee beeps every time as he has a total knee) and then they have to wand him, even though Mike had his Dr. write a letter stating he has a total knee, and they have said letter on file, yet they still wand him every time...just in case...

Cord's SUMMER BREAK will be over on Monday and he will have another set of classes that he has to take and be tested on. He said his next break will be at Christmas time. The weeks are going fast for him and he is anxious to get out and on with his life.

When we were leaving, we said "Are you calling us tomorrow?" (our usual Sunday call)...he said, "Nah...I'm good." I think it is hard for us to think of new and interesting things to say to him and he doesn't really have much to report, so I guess he is saving us the $8.00 phone call bill.

He said someone from Big Foot? (Bigfork MT) sent him in a package. Since he cannot receive packages he would like to thank whoever sent it (Brucie Jr?) and know that he appreciated the thought and effort. In the county jail, we could always have bookstores mail him in new, paperback books of any kind. They only let paper back in because some people try to smuggle drugs in the hard book bindings!

In prison, though, he has to get a title, then request a form to order a book, then order it from Barnes and Noble and wait until the book arrives. Sometimes this ordeal takes 4-6 weeks just to get one book.

He said that his favorite food from commissary is: ramen noodles mixed with instant hot water from a tap, beans mixed in until all the water is absorbed and then put onto a tortilla shell.

He said they rotate the main kitchen food menu every five weeks and that it is tasting pretty bad now, so he is thankful for his "extra" food he gets each week.

He needed to see how much money he had on commissary and since we tried to put money on his books on Monday and was told that the kiosk machine was broken, when I returned home from the prison last Monday, I went online and the computer kept bumping me off. I emailed them asking if there was a problem for putting money in and they emailed the next day saying that they had been having trouble all weekend. SOOO....McCord only gets to request items from commissary every Monday night and then he has to wait til the next Monday night to receive his "goodies", so since he found out he only had $2.00 left, he couldn't order his books and things he wanted. til next Monday. wierd.

We have heard that there are inmates inside who will bully other timid smaller inmates in to having to have their loved ones put money on their books and then pay the bully for not bullying them that week. Coercion? or blackmail? Anyway, Cord has to go see a counselor to ask how much is on his books, so his cellie went with him and the counselor said to the cellie, "What are you doing with him"" The cellie said, "I'm his training wheels..." The guard/counselor thought that was very funny and was getting a good laugh out of it and then he turned to Cord and said, "what are you doing here?" Cord said, "Well, I need to see if I have enough money to pay HIM off......" The counselor did NOT laugh nor did he think it was funny.

The next day, Cord said that he was called to the counselor's office and he asked McCord, "Ummm, I was worrying about what you said yesterday. Is that guy bullying you and forcing you to get money from your family to pay him? "
Cord kind of chuckled and said, "No I can take care of myself....beside he is my CELLIE!" The guard said "Are you sure???" We just have to make sure that you are safe in here."

So that made me feel a little better knowing that there are caring people in there watching out for McCord's back.

But as you can see,......Cord has a pretty big back..... and says he can take care of himself. Still the same...it's good to
know someone is watching over him.

I like to believe he has guardian angels....my dad and Mike's dad....both got his back...

McCord in High School- just an average "dude"

getting the bug....to work out

definite addiction

GYM RAT

Dude is looking good!

McCord started lifting weights in highschool when he was on the football team. He had been going to the gym for some time and back in the day, (12 years ago) we THOUGHT he was a bundle of muscles. Little did we know that he could get MASSIVE!

Our little grandson (about 1 then) couldn't say McCord or Cord . Cord was very intimidating to this little grandson and thinking it was funny, he would make him say his name. The only word he could utter sounded like DOOO--OOOD'. (intonation upwards at the end) We thought it was so funny that almost everyone started to call cord DOOOOD' after that. very affectionate. very dude-ish. Cord really actually liked it...better than his other nickname from when he was little.-- Cordy bordy which soon turned into CUMBA...which he still hates to this day. (side story...my mom couldn't remember the name McCord and would always call him McCoom or McComb, hence the word Cumba).

Mike, Jana and I all went to Gunnison yesterday (July 5) to visit Dude. We got to CUCF at noon as the inmates are fed their lunch at 11:00 a.m. Cord said if people don't have commissary to eat from, they would starve because they feed them again at 4:30 p.m. and the rest of the night they get nothing. Also, the fiscal year began again July 1, so he said the past few weeks were pretty skimpy eating as their food budget was gone. Cord would say, Um there are two sections of the tray that are empty!! The kitchen crew would reply...Yep.

McCord was in great spirits and we laughed away our two hours. He was telling us how there is a Tribunal (like on Survivor) if someone messes up in there or disobeys, then they have to go before the tribunal and be sentenced to so many hours scrubbing with a toothbrush and no one can acknowledge them as a person. One of his friends lent a CD to someone in another area. That was a no-no and he is scrubbing 3 hours a day for 3 months!

Cord is enjoying his "summer break" from the rules. He purchased a CD player and now has to save up for cd's of his own, since he can't borrow from anyone now. He usually sleeps in and then eats lunch and goes to the mini-yard. If he goes outside to the big yard, he has to be there for 2 hours where there is no shade and he gets bored out there, so usually he just works out in the mini-area.

He is counting down to his release date in April 2011. He said he has 40 more weeks and our daughter Ashlee, reminded him that that is a full term pregnancy and you know EVERYONE knows how FAST that goes by!

Prayers and thoughts welcome.

NEWS FROM COUSIN SEAN

Our nephew Sean, is in the Clark County Jail in Vancouver WA. He would love letters if anyone feels so inclined.

SEAN McINTYRE

195449

G3-5

Clark County Jail

PO BOX 1147

Vancouver WA 98666-1147

He will be there another 3-4 weeks and then will be transferred to a federal prison.

He might be incarcerated for 4 more years. We need to do some serious praying for our nephew and have miracles happen in his behalf. He has a chance to have his sentence reduced due to a procedural error on the Federal Judge's part. He has already served 20 months.

Thanks

D.

Newsies from Cord

June ? 12th? 2010

We have been locked down for the past 24 hours for the execution of Ronnie Gardner. I've been wondering what would be going through my head if I knew that I was only hours from being executed. I used to be all for the death penalty, but watching everything that he was going through, and it's really an escape from prison, I think that being in prison for life in solitary confinement is a bigger punishment or never let them see the light of day again. I guess that's why they don't let me make the laws.

I stayed up late last night to watch the live coverage of the execution and it really was a disappointment. There was Mark Shurtleff talking for five minutes and that was it. So anti-climatic. I guess Ronnie has had an extensive violent history while in prison and that was a determining factor in the Board's decision not to stay his execution.

I was watching people who are human rights activists and they were saying murder is murder and that we shouldn't kill people for killing other people. But they never brought up killing people in war. Isn't it because of war that they have the opportunity to express their feelings and to speak out?

If it wasn't for our freedoms we wouldn't be able to express what our feelings are. I personally feel that circumstances are different for everyone and yes, the appeals process does take too long and costs the tax payers money. But regardless if they are seeing over a murder appeal or not, they are still going to be at the court on some case. I do feel that they need to expedite the process.

Anyway, I started to watch "No greater Love" a movie they are showing but it was so stupid I turned it off. It really is boring when I'm stuck in my little cubical. I really would rather be staying busy writing my assignments, but I'm done with that track, so time seems a little bit slower. Or maybe it's just because I'm locked down, I'm not sure.

Well, 10 months is still a long time, I was kind of expecting it, but I was really hoping that I would be out for Christmas and Tay and Landon's B-days but what's another 120 days??? Ha. Actually, it's quite a long time. When you take it a week at a time, it's okay but I think it's still another 40 weeks and it seems long.

NOTE TO SELF: DON't GO TO PRISON!!!

JUNE 22, 2010 Tuesday

Ya, it's been a minute since I've written. This last week we have been locked down a lot.

Yesterday, there was fight in our section that was crazy. We were in the yard and I guess, there was some bad blood between two guys and they started to fight. One of the guys didn't want to fight but the other guy kept hitting him and the one who didn't want to fight, fell to the ground. The aggressive guy stomped on the other guy and when he would try to crawl away , the mean one would kick him in the ribs and when he would stand up the mean dude would smash his face till the other poor guy fell down and then the other guy would stomp on his face. This fight went on for about 15 minutes!

The alarm was going off and the lady cop was yelling over the speaker to STOP but the guards were afraid to come out into the yard, so finally the mean guy that was winning knelt down and put his hands on his head. The cops came in with bean bag guns and blasted him and then cuffed him.

They brought a gurney out and put the other guy on the stretcher. He was out, with his arms limp and just hanging down by his sides.

They made us come in and rack in. They canceled everything for the day.

I was kind of bored tonight. I watched Wipeout, which is pretty funny, but then there wasn't anything else on. So I worked out for 2 hours and then took a shower....eventful...I know...

I'm looking forward to getting a job. They pay a whole .40 an hour! But at least I'll be productive.

I try not to think about how long I have because in reality it's not that long considering some people are doing LIFE and some are doing 5 years on a 0-5. But still, I can't believe I'm in PRISON! It really does change your thinking. I feel that I have the stigma of a CONVICT. I hate to say it, but I know people look at you differently if you have been to prison. I just need to put it behind me and like I've said before, Just let it be something I"VE DONE...Not SOMETHING THAT I AM.

I wonder if I have ADD? Because it is hard to focus...no wait...I'm just tired.

Let's see...Some thoughts real quick, So you Think you can Dance, rookie Blue, Friday night Lights, Flashpoint that's pretty much what I have to look forward to...that and visits...

STILL WANT TO SEE MY KIDS!!

AND where are the divorce PAPERS???

"Don't let 2 minutes of courage mess up that pretty face for the rest of your pathetic life"

That's my catch phrase in here and it seems to be working LMBO TTYL LOL

JUNE 23, 2010 Wednesday

OKAY...I'm back on track writing...I stayed up late last night, till 2:00 a.m. I like being the only one awake . It's kin of like being at the Mall when it's closed and it almost feels like you shouldn't be there. It's like that except I can't leave if I want....

Well, I feel like the prison is running out of money. the food keeps getting worse and I'm trying to eat healthier. I ran four miles today and did 300 pull-ups and came inside and fell asleep til 7:00 pm. So looks like I'll be up late again tonite.

Pretty uneventful today, played PingPong for a couple hours, then watched So You Think You Can Dance after my nap, but I was kind of bored, but after I watched a special Jimmy Kimmel about Twilight that was okay It looks like the new one will be good.

The cops in here are such D.bags. They have to walk through every hour at night to make sure everyone is here and haven't escaped and THIS crew when they go section to section let the door SLAM and it wakes me up every time! The last time the guard came through I said, "Hey, will you NOT slam the Door?" He said the blowers make it slam shut. I told him that it's only his crew that does that and just barely he walked through and he closed it quiet. HA

I'm starting to write down people's funny stories and I'm going to put a book together and get it published and go on Oprah and she is going to get me to be a best seller and I can help people stay out of their addictions. Sounds like a 5 year plan?

I saw on the news that Chris Klein is in Circ Lodge for drug addiction and most people in here are in for drugs. It's a real problem and I feel that I could really profit on this. I need to find a way to have the State release people early IF they will check them into MY facility (that I build when I get out) and then have the State pay the 80 dollars a day they WOULD have had to pay to house the inmate in prison to pay for the Rehab. (My pocket)

This way it will be making a difference because prison is NOT corrections, it's really just a place where you learn to be a better criminal if you feel so inclined to learn that and it's a TOTAL waste of time for sure! So Why NOT help people and put a little coin in my pocket at the same time?

Whoa...it's already 1:00 and me no tired. I got a letter from mom and it had pics of Tay and Landon. I can't believe how big they are getting. It really makes me sad that I'm missing so much of their lives.

I'm trying to stay positive. I really am, but it's hard. I always have to have my hard ass front on. I can joke with a few people but for the most part it's hard to be myself. I just want to get out where I can be with people who get my jokes and who knows what I'm talking about and who come from the same background and have the same values and goals as me and who have my back. Most people I'm cool with in here, but it's fake on my part. I tried to care about people in here, but it's hard to. I don't know if they have my back.

I'm sick of this place and maybe I'm just having a bad night or maybe it's because I miss my kids, but I'm OVER prison. I just want to get on with my life and I want to do what's right, to find the girl that I'm supposed to spend my life with. So if you're out there, BE PATIENT because it won't be long now. I'm preparing, so I hope that you are too.

June 28, 2010 MONDAY

Today was a better day. It's summer break and they are showing movies. They played Fast and Furious and they play it on a loop, so I watched it this morning and then after I worked out and again just barely at 10:00. Not a bad movie, if you can stand Paul Walker's bad acting. HA!

I got commissary tonight and got my envelopes. I haven't sent anything out because I haven't had stamps. I have been thinking alot about what I'm going to do when I get out and I really just want to get out now and start doing everything!

But maybe that's what I'm supposed to learn is Patience. I'm so used to instant gratification as most of us are. But 40 weeks is 40 weeks. No matter how you look at it.

I keep having crazy dreams that I'm out. Last night I dreamed I was out and had a gun and I was getting pulled over and it was in my waist band and I said to myself, "Nope, not going back to prison," so I decided I was going to run from them. It freaked me out and I woke myself up.

Then I had a dream I was at my old house and was talking to someone about prison and I thought I was out and then woke up for breakfast, then I went back to sleep and I was dreaming that I was telling a whole bunch of people about the two dreams I just had. It was crazy. I tried to explain it to people in here but dreams are hard to explain and really you have to be there...sort of thing.

Almost July. then only 9 months. I guess it's going pretty fast.

McCord T.