HOPE FOR HOPE

HOPE Residential Substance Abuse Program

The HOPE Program at Central Utah Correctional Facility is a highly structured, comprehensive, Residential Substance Abuse Program. It is a principle and values-based Therapeutic Community (TC) housed in several open-dorm sections in the Fir housing complex. The program's design uses a positive peer culture and environment, where high standards, morals of "right living" and healthy values are reinforced with privileges, rewards and recognition. HOPE Clinical and Security Staff, as well as HOPE Program graduates, serve new program members as role models. In the TC model, formal therapy is an adjunct or appendage to the "community-as-method" form of treatment. That is, licensed therapists function like "satellites" around the program, seeing that the program or therapeutic community is operating appropriately, so that the community helps the inmate resident make changes.

The highest priority of treatment in HOPE is relapse prevention — that is complete abstinence from abused substances. A companion goal in HOPE's behavior modification program is the recognition and elimination of criminal thinking and anti-social behavior. In aiming for these two goals, HOPE carries out the Utah Department of Corrections' goal of "guiding offenders to become law-abiding citizens.

HOPE uses TC methods to help offenders commit to meaningful and productive lives, centered on a recovery lifestyle, dedicated to the service-oriented, pro-social ideal of living as a "brother's keeper." Positive leadership and followership skills of mutual accountability are expected and practiced in the various sub-community sections daily. Opportunities to lead and serve the community are provided as offenders adopt the positive community standards.

The HOPE Mission

The HOPE Program mission is to teach offenders to live clean and sober, positive and productive lives, and leave prison with confidence in their ability to successfully complete their paroles and not become a recidivism (prison return) statistic. Along with that optimism, HOPE provides a thorough relapse prevention education to help recovering addicts/offenders live with life-long caution, knowing that their next relapse could meet them "right around the corner" if they ever let their guard down in their fight against addiction.

The Goals of the HOPE program

The behavioral goals for residents of the HOPE therapeutic community and residential substance abuse program are:

• To develop self-discipline and impulse control
• To develop genuine empathy and compassion for others
• To achieve success and satisfaction in their personal and work life
• To become role models for new and junior residents
• To become responsible and productive members of society

The HOPE Slogan

The HOPE slogan is:

"I create how I feel by how I think about the people and events around me. I am the only one who can change the way I feel by changing the way I think."

This reflects the cognitive therapy emphasis and belief in changing lives by changing attitudes. It also reflects the HOPE belief in accepting personal responsibility for one's own life and what happens in it.

The Therapeutic Community Philosophy

Each community member in HOPE, from the newest resident to the long-time therapeutic community leader, is seen as a valued, person of worth with something important to offer and contribute to the community. All have made mistakes and committed offenses, but all can change. Each can raise their awareness of the impact their actions have had and now have on others. Each can develop empathy for other people affected by their actions. Daily living in a therapeutic community reinforces the symbiotic (interdependent) lives we all live in society. Each resident and staff member has an obligation to be mindful of how the "whole" is affected by the individual "parts."

In the therapeutic community, therapy is provided by the community environment, sometimes called the "milieu" (French for environment or setting). The community, not the therapist or the treatment team, is the center and foundation of treatment. A TC intentionally uses the community as the primary method for facilitating social and psychological change in individual residents. As stated before, in this treatment design, therapists are "satellites" overseeing the process, sitting in on meetings, encounters, and some groups. Beyond the initial clinical assessment, very little individual therapy is done in HOPE as the program and community bring about the change in the resident. The staff's focus is on managing and maintaining the structural integrity of the therapeutic community.

HOPE Program/Section Rules

Section rules are related to pro-social behavior patterns residents are expected to adopt gradually. They are similar to society's expectations. By rules, residents hold one another accountable, learn to give one another constructive and assertive feedback, and create a safe and predictable community that allows room for personal growth and recovery to occur. Examples include

• Follow instructions
• Be punctual
• Maintain appropriate appearance
• Use proper manners

The NO Violence Rule

HOPE residents are carefully screened for participation in the program based on their offense history, their programming needs and their suitability for dormitory-style living. HOPE expects each resident to follow a strict "NO VIOLENCE" policy. Those residents with mental health diagnoses are treated to maintain remission of their symptoms.

Responsible Concern

Residents show responsible concern when they encourage others to follow institutional and HOPE program rules and adopt expectations of right living. They also develop appropriate assertiveness skills in challenging criminal thinking and behavior. Residents appropriately use their feedback to correct other inmates who do not follow program rules, using the TC process of "making calls, using table interventions and encounters" to resolve daily issues and to develop and model assertive communication and problem-solving skills.

Length of Treatment

The HOPE Program is expected to take 14 to 16 months to complete. Some inmates may graduate in a year. Some offenders may take longer than this to complete the essential assignments, while others may stay longer to serve in leadership roles in the therapeutic community to share what they have learned. The strength of a TC is largely the strength of its veteran residents, who provide good, direct feedback and good strong role modeling.

Work and School in HOPE

HOPE residents are expected to be the best-behaved and hardest working inmates in the institution. Residents will complete an intensive track (in two two-month stages) and then are invited to go to school (high school or college classes) or work in CUCF jobs. In order to apply for a job, residents must have completed the intensive phase and hold a Step Three in the HOPE program, which generally corresponds to the number of written assignments the inmate has completed. They are also expected to be working on their education if they have not completed a GED or have a high school diploma.

HOPE Classes

HOPE classes during the first four months are called the intensive tracks. For four months, new residents will take intensive classes taught by residents who are farther along in the program. Later on, newer residents will have a chance to teach the classes and pass along what they have learned. The HOPE Curriculum of Classes includes:

• Relapse Prevention
• Interpersonal Skills
• AA Twelve-Step/ LDS Twelve-Step /Native American Twelve-Step
• Anger Management
• Stress Management
• Cognitive Restructuring (Thinking Errors)
• Saving Marriage
• Parenting
• Relationship Building
• Core Values
• Games
• Stages of Recovery
• Physical Training (PT)
• Bradshaw (Family)
• Conflict Resolution
• Parole Planning

Aftercare

HOPE residents are referred to outpatient substance abuse and to self-help meetings when they leave the program. If inmates graduate from the HOPE program, they are not usually referred to residential treatment while on parole. If they participate for a period of four to 11 months, but do not graduate, inmates receive a certificate of participation and not a certificate of graduation. They will be referred to intensive outpatient treatment or possibly residential treatment. If they graduate, they are referred to aftercare only. Offenders coordinate this treatment through their parole officers, and are responsible to them for their follow-through with treatment.

is anyone out there?

I was wondering if this blog is helping anyone or if anyone is even caring about it. Sometimes we, as a family, could use a little encouragement or would like a little feedback to see if anyone is even reading this...if it helps anyone...if we are putting ourselves out there for no reason. A little comment would help or I guess we will just go private.

A Dew and a smile

Jana and I drove to Gunnison today (who knew where Gunnison was) and there out in the middle of a vast field was Cord's new house. After wending our way trying to find 255 E 300 S, (like we couldn't SEE the huge complex...it is sprawled everywhere, including the coiled barbed wire fence and huge towers and lights surrounding the whole thing) we showed our ID at the gate of the Central Utah Correctional Facility. The officer asked if we had any weapons or contraband of any sort...(um ya sure... it's all in the trunk?) , checked to see if we were on McCord's visitor's list and then opened the gate for us. It was like a railroad crossing gate where only one long arm lifted up and we had to manuever our way through. We drove past the daunting wall (did I mention the barbed wire coiled on the fence above and to the right of us and actually everywhere we looked?) and parked in the "visitors" section. We made sure we didn't have gum in our mouths, (inmates and visitors put gum anywhere/everywhere; no purses, cell phones, no underwire bras,(they beep through security, thus they don't know if you have a bra or a gun) no scanty clothing...only my car key, a baggy full of quarters and our ID.

Our hearts were full, our nerves were on edge... anticipating seeing McCord and actually being able to hug and kiss him. As we entered the facility doors, we were walked to the front desk where we had to show our IDs once again. We told the man sitting there (reading a novel) that this was our first time visiting. He said he was the Nice one they put at the front desk...the others in the back were the onery ones. Oh, a wise guy eh? It did help our blood pressure to go down a bit. He told us we could take our quarters in but he didn't know what my car key was....and told me I had to put it in a locker...so after getting a token from him and instructions on how NOT to look like a moron, I figured the little locker out and put my key inside successfully. He told me most people can't do it the first time and actually made a joke about those kind of people. Whew...i felt like I had passed my driver's test again!

After getting the low down on the "rules" once we actually see McCord, such as no PDA or excessive touching or kissing..(i reminded the officer that I WAS his mother and Jana WAS his sister.....)
I proceeded first through the security door and I BUZZED!!! OF course, I had shanks in my shoes! Why didn't I remember putting them there? So, I had to try again, this time barefoot and my shoes had to go through an x-ray machine. I walked through again successfully and then Jana came through without a problem...

We walked down a corridor...I mean a long long long upslanting wide extra wide corridor.....and at the top was a door that we had to wait for the lady inside to stop playing her x box game so she could look at our ID's again and then buzz us through....those doors where they slide open and then slam clang LOCKDOWN behind you...reverberating into your very guts...then you had to proceed 20 feet and have the next set of doors repeat the same action and sounds...sliding open and then booming foreboding LOCKDOWN sounds. (I shoulda had a xanex)..... Then we walked to a desk with an official looking officer standing around and showed our ID once again as he decided which table to assign us to. Lucky number three...
Then he buzzed the door open and we repeated the same steps as before as we walked through and then the door slammed behind us and we were IN!!!!

We found table number 3 that we were assigned to sit. We didn't know if we were allowed to look around us....but after a moment realized that people were not interested in us at all; they just wanted to spend the time with their loved one. Surprisingly, there were mostly young inmates with "older" women holding onto them etc....

The room looked like a huge cafeteria with maybe about 20 tables scattered around. Another glassed in room was where the people with children could go and not bother the other visitors. On a farther wall there was vending machines where you can purchase canned and bottled drinks and other items such as chips, candies etc.

We waited and waited for McCord to come. It seemed an eternity yet it was only about 10 minutes when we saw his familiar bald head and handsome mass coming towards us. The huge guard on his side of the glassed room frisked him and then buzzed him through the heavy door and then we were up and hugging him. It was a special moment for both Jana and I. (We didn't know until later, that he gets "stripped searched" every time he has to go back through his door.)

We realize that Cord doesn't show much emotion...never has..never will? So we were hoping for a more joyous welcome...but we didn't know if it wasn't "cool" for him to hug us and express some kind of jubilation that he had visitors! I guess I didn't know what to expect from him...we haven't been able to see him without restraints or through a glass window for months...

McCord said he was outside playing baseball and was surprised that his name was called. He was not expecting anyone to visit him until Monday, so he said it was great to see us. (this, after prodding him with questions such as : Were you surprised to see us? Were you glad we came?)

Two hours have never flown by so fast. Jana didn't dare walk to the machines to get McCord a drink as she was uncomfortable walking in front of the inmates, so Cord went and got himself a diet Moutain Dew. He pushed the wrong button on the first try and a non-diet mt. dew came out. I said, "Why aren't you drinking that one?" and he replied, " Do you want to die from obesity or cancer as the regular one has 45 grams of sugar and the diet one has apartame?" Always the funny boy....

It was good to catch up on news--to hear about his life inside and laugh and cry with him. (well, Jana and I cried..his eyes did well up several times....progress).

He is feeling stressed at being in the HOPE program. He has a week grace period where he has to learn ALL the rules, before he starts "snitching" on the other men in the rehab. He seemed to be bummed to have to leave Rooster and the comforts he had found there and has some wierd stories already to tell..when he writes again. He said that he has to write in a journal as part of his therapy, so he will only be writing longer, more informative letters from now on and not sending out his journal pages. We do pray he can learn in this rehab. He said they told him he would have to be there for a year, so we hope he learns his lessons well and can get on with his life without the use of drugs when he finally gets out. We hope he especially learns how to NEVER end up there again, as he said there are so many that return time and time again.....

WE GET TO VISIT McCORD!

I was chatting on the phone with Jana today and was interrupted by a beep...since my phone doesn't show caller ID on my second line, I told Jana I would call her back.  I answered and was VERY surprised to hear the GUNNISON PRISON recording, as I thought Cord didn't have any calls left until Sunday.  I pushed 5 and there Cord's voice, upbeat and happy.  So different than the tone of his last letters.  He said that because he got moved he qualified to have his phone calls again.  He in in the HOPE rehab and it is very strange and different.  It is a sort of "snitch" program and there are many weird consequences, so hopefully he can just tow the line and do what he needs to do.

 The best news of all is that we can go see him in person --a contact visit--without a glass window between us starting right now!  So Jana and I are planning on heading down there tomorrow, since Mike left for Idaho today and won't be back until tomorrow night.

GOOD NEWS!

LETTER-April 22,2010 (Thursday)

I (Debi) just posted yesterday and then today I got a new letter from McCord....so will update the UPDATE:

April 21, 2010 today at 2:00, they called me to roll-up and I got moved over to the "Hope" program.  IT's a 12 month rehab program.  So, I'm not sure what happens when I see the board?  If they make me finish the program or what.  It's crazy over here. There is alot of weird rules that I'll have to get used to.  I have to be on "Intensive" for 4 months where I do alot of classes a day.  I have to be productive for 40 hours a week.  I'm not looking forward to doing more rehab but I guess this is where I need to be to learn my lesson.  I'm not in a cell anymore.  I'm in a dorm and it's real open.  there are 12 guys in a dorm and 48 in the section.  I was going to call but I won't be able to get my level till next week, since I moved.

Well, I guess it's kind of been a bad week.  First I find out that I'm not seeing the board in  May and then I get moved to the Hope Program.  But I'm making the most of it and will get through it.  There is only one guy that I know over here, I knew him from R & O.

I just need to stay positive, it's easy to get down, especially since I was getting comfortable and I liked where I was at.  I've heard only bad about the program....that it's a snitch program, where you have to tell on other people to advance.  But I'm not sure, I guess I'll see.

I feel like I did when I first came into prison and only heard the bad and I didn't know what to expect.  But once I got situated, it wasn't too bad.

I was wondering if you could see if Tay and Landon could be there on Sundays.  I can talk to them, I think that it would help lift my spirits.  I kind of feel like I want  to cry.  I'm not sure why, I guess it's just change of scenery or maybe it's because sometimes when the board hears that you are in Hope, they give you enough time to complete it.  Although the kid's bed that I took just went to the board and he got out the following week, so you never know.  So I guess when you write the board, don't say that I'm in the Hope program.  I'm really hoping that I will go see the board in June.

I guess now I have to do all the assignments that I just done doing at Steps (rehab)

Anyway, I'm going to try calling around 4:50 on Sunday, I was going to call today, but I didn't have another phone call.  I only have the two and it won't reset until Sunday morning.

Well, on a lighter note, I got to listen to the Jazz game on the radio last night.  It was staticky but it was good to hear it and I'm glad they won.

When I got over to "FIR" which is my new section, they had a class going ann they had a break and came back to the section.  They asked if I wanted to go and watch the rest of it, so I did.  It was a movie about a guy with a porn addiction and it was ruining his marriage and so he got some help.  ANyway, he was clean or whatever they call it when they don't look at it for 40 days and was trying to get his wife back and she was dating a Dr. from the hospital that she worked at.  Anyway, through the help of the Lord and his family, they lived happily ever after.  HMM, does that even exist?

I was thinking to myself that that is kind of what I've been looking for....a happily ever after, but I'm pretty sure that it doesn't exist.

Sorry this is kind of like my journal and a letter in one,but I've found that through writing it's a good release and I can vent.

Well I do feel better now that I've written and I'm going to send this off.  I love you and thanks for all you do for me and for all your love and prayers.  I'll talk to you Sunday.

Love Cord


(Debi:  Please include McCord in your prayers...he seems to be down and struggling. Thanks)

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MORE OLD LETTERS starting April 7, 2010 THURSDAY

Today was a good day.  Woke up at 6, had a decent breakfast, worked out, watched Regis and Kelley, then Law & Order . had lunch, went to the yard and got some sun, played basketball for 2 hours, then came inside and read till dinner.  then tried to get the move for Friday figured out.  One guy in the move is being stupid so we'll see if it happens.

I got a book on "ZEN" from the library.  IT's kind of interesting how most people think that ZEN and Buddhism are together or that people think that ZEN is a religion.  Zen is something that can't be explained and if practiced it isn't ZEN.  HMMM. kind of makes you think a little bit.  I'm trying to get a book called "The Way of Zen", which I'll probably have to order.

I sent letters out to my family last night, I've gotten quite a few and I've tried to answer everyone's questions.

Tensions are high right now with the Mexicans.  They are rolling deep right now, there is like 22 out of 32 people, there is only about 4 white guys out of the 10 that would do anything if something popped off.  I can feel something might do gown here pretty soon.  They are all small but they all have each other's back and if you fight one you fight them all!  They are trying to run the section and trying to punk us white guys.  The rest of the white guys are sex offenders and they aren't going to have anyone's back.
I just need to stay in line and let the little things go.  However, if you let too much go you get labeled as a punk or a lame and that's not good.  I'm not trying to get more time tacked on for stupid stuff.

Anyway, I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which was awesome and last night I had Frosted Flakes.  I borrowed a CD player and Nickelback CD, which I'm listening to right now.  Music is a good release for me as long as I'm listening to soothing music.  I've loved music my whole life and I'm going to try to get into music theory class in May.  Once I take that I can take guitar 1 and guitar 2 which will be cool, hopefully it's not too easy as I already can play pretty good.

I've been thinking alot of ideas and have a bunch of little businesses I think are good ideas.  I'm going to the library and see if I can look up some material.  Also, I have email and web sites to Federal grants that help people get started.

My brain feels scattered right now.  I'm thinking of the doughnut that I get in the morning.  Some of my favorite songs are right now: The Script, Train Soul Sister, We the Kings, BOE Nothin on you, one Republic-ALl the right things.  ALso Carrie Underwood has a new song out, My Temporary Home, which is a good theme song for me.  But I really like the "We the Kings" new song. More later..

April 10, 2010 SATURDAY

Haven't written in a while.  The last couple days have gone by so quick.  I can't believe that it's almost the start of a new week.  I went out to the yard today and played basketball.  I've been playing soft like High School ball.  But here I guess they play Prison rules and like to bang around. So I had to step up my game.  I was chasing a ball down and knocked a guy over.  A guy on the sideline said, "Man, he's like  a line-backer".  I guess I was playing too rough.

I borrowed the CD player again and I got a Kelly Clarkson CD.  It's funny how my music preferences have changed.  Or maybe it's the lack of female influence in here.  But I've been listening to alot of girl singers.

I didn't get to move in with Rooster.  Alot of people put in move requests and the computers were  down so they said they would do them this coming Friday.

My head got sunburned from being outside the last few days so today it is peeling.  I have razors that I bought off commissasry so I shave my head every other day.  It makes me feel almost normal, wearing a white t, sweats and being able to shave when ever I want.  I still get locked down, well not locked down, but I have to be in my house at 6:00 the door is open and I can choose o stay in or go out.  If I go out and get caught I get a negative C-note and 3 of them in one month is a write up and I lose privileges so I just do what I'm told and stay in my cell.  But after 6:00 is when I read and write and get caught up on everything.  I usually am in bed by 10:00 and out by 10:30.  It's nice because my "night light" is burned out so it's pitch black and the radio stays on. SO I'm out quick.

1/2 of April is over. Only one more month and I'll see the board.  I month and it's been 6 months of lock up.  In two weeks I can have visits and hopefully my kids can come in and see me.  It will be good to see everyone.  Visits are two hours and they are contact visits where we all sit at a table.  I had to go down to sign papers and it's pretty nice.  there is vending machines so if people bring quarters, we can all enjoy a coke and a smile...
More tomorrow going to fall asleep listening to Kelly Clarkson.

April 12, 2010 MONDAY

Today was another quick one.  Got a letter from Mom, actually two.  Then after breakfast worked out from 7-8 and then went out to the yard and ran basketball for 2 hours.  Rooster let me use his Nike's and they helped a ton.  I could actually run without my arches and my heels hurting.  It feels like my heels are bruised after I use the State shoes too long.  After, I came back inside and finished my workout, then had lunch.  It was tortilla chips, sour cream, beans, and nacho sauce.  It was okay but not very filling.  After lunch my body was so tired I layed down and fell asleep listening to Kelly Clarkson again.  I slept from 12 to 4:00, woke up..it was dinner time.  The worst dinner I've had yet.  It was nasty stew and corn  and that was it.  At least they gave me bread so I can make an PB&J later.

I called home last night and after the call was accepted Taylar was on the phone.  She seemed like she was doing okay, I hope.  I miss them like crazy.  Landon talked to me for a second  "Hi, da da, Love you Da Da' that was it.  Then I talked to Josh for awhile and Jana and then Tay again.  She had an Easter basket so she was more interested in that.

April is going by so fast, is it bad that it's going by so fast and that I'm getting comfortable in here?  I know that it's set up for doing long periods of time, but you could really kill some time in here.  They brought in Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakquil.  It's almost funny that a bunch of grown ass men are sitting around a tiny tv with a kids' show on laughing at little rodents singing a Beyonce song..Stupid.
They showed "Hatch" on Saturday and New Moon on Sunday.  New Moon was much better on the movie then the book.  The book is so lame and boring...having to listen to Belle whine about..alright..too much time wasted on New Moon.

A month away from my parole hearing and a month away from going to DCFS.  I want to move the date because I have to go back  up to Draper and A-West.  Did I already say this?  The days really are a blur. But anyway, I have to pack my cell up and put it in property and then I can't take anything to Draper.  Kind of stupid.  All for a dumb court hearing in Kangaroo Court.

APril 16, 2010 FRIDAY

I haven't written in awhile, so I decided I would sit and write.  I got moved today to cell 203 bottom.  WE finally got people to sign off on doing a move.  Greefo and another guy got hit on the tattoo checks, so they had to go to section 6 where it's 24 hr lock down, so we convinced the guy in 203 to trade me sots and Rooster moved to the empty bunk so I'm out of the Laos man's cell  ALthough he must like me because he keeps coming by my cell and talking to me.

The only thing hat I don't like is that I'm on the bottom tier and everyone walks by and talks to us.  I guess it's okay but it seems to be louder down here.  I've watched Ellen the last two days and it's funny to watch her and it's good to see celebrities.

People are starting to bug me.  My old celly Johnny keeps coming over to my cell and talks and talks and  talks about stupid stuff. IT's so annoying.  I watched a movie today that was pretty good. It's called Everything is Fine.  It's about a grandpa who's wife dies and wants his kids to come visit.  Anyway it made me think.

April 17, 2010  SAtURDAY

It's crazy how even in here it can feel like a Sunday.  I didn't go out to the rec yard, I slept in.  Me and Rooster stayed up til 1 last night swapping stories. So after breakfast we both went back to sleep.  Lunch and then a move, "The Box" with Cameron Diaz. It was different and didn't explain anything at the end. After had dinner, Nasty burgers.  and then watched the news and now just writing.

A month to go to the board and I'm a little nervous, even though I'm on two 0-5's it still started out as a 5 to life and my priors are really violent so that's scary.  I'm really just hoping that I get to be home for Christmas.  I missed last years and it really messed with me. The last time I was locked up for Christmas I didn't have kids so it wasn't as hard as this time and then going through a divorce also it sucks.  Even though it's like I get a new start and doing it over I can do it right.  I'm hoping that my kids are okay and doing well.  It's not fun being away from them and worrying about them.  It broke my heart when Tay asked me when I was going to get out.  She sounded sad when I told her I didn't know and Landon in his early years 2 & 3 when he is so easily influenced and not having his dad there ha to be hard.

 I just need to remember how it is in here, I keep saying that but I really need to, it's so easy to forget and it's so easy to come back.  There are people that have come back and they actually seem happy to be back here. I really never want to come back or see anyone in here ever again.  I want to go to sleep and wake up in my own bed and not wake up to a door sliding open.  I want to be able to shower without having to wear flipflops for fear of getting a fungus disease.  I want to be able to eat when and what I want.  I want to be able to wear what clothes I want and wear my own shoes. I want to be able to have my choices back.

ANyway, looking forward to at least having my end date so I can stop worrying or stop wondering when I'll be getting out.  Knowledge is power,remember what you learn from experiences and use them to your benefit.  Turn every negative into a positive for in this strength lies.  Without pleasure there is no pain, without confinement there is no freedom and with that I'm out...

April 18, 2010  SUNDAY

Had a decent day.  Last night the Jazz lost to Denver.  I stayed up and listened to it even though it was really staticy.  today watched the Laker's game.  I was hoping that the Oklahoma City would win so if the Jazz knock off the Nuggets, they would have an easier time beating OK.

 well, I got to call home and talk to my mom, dad and Jana for a minute.  Then I came in and read some old WWE magazines from 2007.

I guess that Steph was sad that I didn't ask Tay about her.  Why would I ask a 5 year old how my ex-wife is doing?  She hasn't even sent me pics so I can see how big they are getting...More tonite...

Aloha from Mapleton

Hello out there in "wondering whasup with Cord" land...Thanks for checking and reading about our boy.

Like Josh said, McCord calls on Sundays  only (instead of the two calls he is allowed)  since his 30 minute calls are $8.00 each, he has changed in that respect...yes RESPECT...for other people's wallets.  (daddy's?) Hmmm...how our son is changing.

 Mike and I got home from Hawaii this past Saturday and since we had missed the last Sunday's call (we were  sad we missed the cousin's playing & everyone hanging out at our house without us)  we were glad when Cord called this past Sunday like clockwork.  Jana and I were the only ones here and she took most of the time...(j/k) updating Cord about things that I know little about ...like top 40 Ryan Seacrest songs (does Ryan Seacrest sing?)...and 24 and other TV shows I am clueless about...(I do like American Idol....I guess I should vote for RYAN..who knew he sang?? lol) I think it is good that Jana can do this...maybe make him feel "normal" for a few minutes talking to his "normal" sister..(hmmm did that come out right? vs his "abnormal" other sisters ha)

Anyway, it was good talking to him on Sunday and he seems to have such a good attitude about his whole situation.  Mike rushed home from Sunday meetings and got to speak with him the last few minutes of the phone call.  We, as parents, are thankful that this time is going so quickly for him and for us.  He has been in prison since February 17, 2010.

Monday morn. the phone rang and there was that Gunnison phone number that gives my heart a start and then a double start...that's like a palpitation of sorts (OH YES...it's McCord...oh, NO..it's McCord...is there a problem???)  I pushed 5 to accept the call and heard his voice...it sounded normal..
 ( See...Jana's "Normalcy" is rubbing off on him)

The problem is that he had just met with his counselor and said counselor told him that he is NOT on the Parole board docket in May....All the dates are already filled...because the AP&P had not sent their post sentencing report in, now McCord will have to wait until June or July to get a hearing date set.  He seemed bummed about this because the sooner he appears before the parole board, the sooner he will know how much longer he has to be incarcerated. (which again could be good news or could be bad news)..hence his nervousness at said coming event.

I have jumped through some hula hoops and alot of red tape tripping me up, (I certainly would NOT win any Olympic medals for Ribbon/hoop rhythmic dancing routine) but I think I have a resolution for him when he calls again next Sunday.   It's just a waiting game...that's all there is to it...so we all hurry up and wait and wait and wait..just the name of the "government game" we play.  Good thing he wasn't banished to the Chateau d'lf in Count of Monte Cristo...where they throw away the key...small blessings.

So, I called AP&P  and a gal there told me that YES they DID send the post sentencing reports on March 25 (their deadline was April 12) and if McCord will tell her the name of his counselor, then she (Jessica at AP&P) can email him to see what the Cra_* yes she did use that word...he is telling McCord...

Good news for Cord is that his OLD probation officer (who didn't seem to think highly of our son...no names named but it starts with a G) is NOT going to be his new Parole officer even though that is what we were all told  would be the case!  Hurray for our side.  (pray for a nice parole officer for him....)lol He needs nice people in his life.

*********Then there is the case of LETTER WRITING.....to the PAROLE BOARD.  These letters should be from concerned and loving friends and family, neighbors, mailman, joggers, passer- byers...anyone who would like to give a "glowing" recommendation that our son is really a wonderful person despite all the baggage he seems destined to carry around with him  (i know...CHOICES!! and consequences!!)  PLUS HE IS IN RECOVERY!! YEAH!

These letters will  let the parole board members (6 of them) know that he does have a strong support team on his side when he does get out  and that there are people in his life who he can count on in good times and bad....  A virtual SUPPORT TEAM if you will....anyone can send a letter...the more the merrier I always say.  I am still trying to get an address of where to send said LETTERS...?  SO many different answers...some say, Mail them into McCOrd and he takes them to the Board himself..others say, NO mail them to the parole board in Murray and on and on. where it stops nobody knows..

.So when I get a real solid answer..I will let you know where to mail them.  The letters need to be written and sent before his parole board hearing, which we have no clue when that is, so I guess we still all have time....(waiting, waiting,waiting...)

Thank you for all your prayers and support you have shown.  We know that McCord is a wonderful man and his heart is one of GOLD!  We LOVE him so much and want the BEST for him and his little family.

LOVE,
Debi & Mike

Cord called today

Just another small update. Cord called today at 5. Jana, Kimberly and I went to my folks to receive the call, as he is only able to call a land line (you remember those right?). Anyway, Steph was gracious enough to allow Taylar and Landon to come over and play with their cousins, and to be able to talk to Cord for a few minutes. Landon grunted a few words and said Da-da and bye bye, but Tay was able to talk to Cord for a few moments. They discussed "what phone are you calling from?" and "What kind of blue phone?". It was cute. I know Cord appreciated hearing their voices, and it should help him to continue to work towards his goal of seeing them again and spending time with them. He sounds well, and continues to recognize ways he can improve. He is in high spirits, if not a little nervous of his meeting with the board next month. We appreciate all thoughts and prayers on his behave.

Thanks!
Josh

Some more Journal pages came today! March 31

March 29-30

March 26-28

March 22-23

Cord Wrote us back!

I thought it would be good to include some of the letters he has been writing back to us.
We got these a few days ago, and I have been busy... sorry for the delay and thanks for all your prayers and support!

APRIL 2010 --NEW UPDATE!

April 1, 2010
Had my doughnut this morning...it was all right.  Then laid on my bunk for about an hour till 7:00 and got up and worked out till 9:00 a.m., then got a CD player and listened to music till 11:00 while reading a Robert Ludlum book.  My celly asked how I could read and listen to headphones at the same time.  I told him it comes with practice and I'd rather have music as background noise instead of hearing everyone talk. Rooster let me listen to 3 CDs. Eminem Relapse, Haystack and Pink Flowhouse.  It's crazy how when I hear a song that I would listen to when I was out, it takes me right back to where I was...Pinks song "Please Don't leave me" was my alarm ringtone on my Blackberry Storm and it woke me up every morning.

    What do I know, at 29?  I know that "THINGS" are what we seek, but "LOVE" is beneath that.  If "LOVE" isn't the foundation, then "THINGS" will fall. For even if they stand, they mean nothing.  I've had both and if given a chance to choose...soberly-I choose LOVE, Humbly- I choose LOVE ; wisely- I choose LOVE!

    The weekend is coming up and they will be showing movies on the TV's.  This weekend it's "Step up" and "Stomp the Yard"...both movies I saw with my wife.  (good movies to show 36 inmates)

    It's been cold all day today and it snowed last night so I didn't get to go out to the yard. ANd the power went out about 11:00 a.m. so they racked us in and we had to close the door manually and had to eat our lunch in our houses.  Chili dogs, well it was hot dogs and kidney beans and sauce,not really chili. Then played chess and lost all three games.  I was good playing on my phone...Ha

   It's really wierd how sometimes it doesn't feel really that I'm here, I'm dreaming less and less about being out and more prison themed dreams.  I've been getting into a lot of fights in my dreams and I swing at people and I can't hit them hard and I think in my head, "I know I can hit harder than this..."  Must be the environment I'm in.

    Only a couple more weeks till I find out what day I go to the board.  I'm a  little nervous. Hopefully it goes well.

APril 3, 2010
Not much went on today.  Worked out legs.  I put the biggest guy in here on my shoulders and squat him and they have a couple other exercises that're really quite ingenious.  then I was going to go back to sleep but they brought in "Pirates of the Carribean 2 Dead Men's Chest " and as you have to have head phones to listen to it and I won't have mine till Monday, I borrowed a set and watched the movie.  Then it was lunch and  we watched Live Free or Die Hard, then Biker Boys after that.  Time went by fast watching movies all ay.  As soon as I get my tV, I can watch them in my house instead of sitting on the concrete watching a 13" tv that they wheeled into the day room.

WE had fish patties for dinner-at least I think it was fish, maybe carp?  And a huge piece of chocolate cake.  It was sooo good.  Then I showered and read my scriptures and now just writing.  It's good that I'm getting comfortable once you start to know people and get to liking then it's kind of like scout camp....one big sleep over, with all the different personalities you have your problems and instead of talking things out you might get into a little scuffle but in the end you're friends again.

  Time is going by so fast, it's never gone this fast in lock up.  If I knew time would go this quick, I wouldn't of been so scared to come here.  I mean, I was scared, scared. I haven't been like that in a long time.  I mean it's alot of the unknown and you don't know what to expect.  Even though I'm for the most part bigger than most, prison is still prison.  It can pop off at any time and no matter how good at fighting or how strong you are, it's hard to stop a shank and people have showed me some that would make Crocodile Dundee envious.  But for the most part, it's not so bad.  Alot of people don't eat the food, they just eat their commissory, so I've been getting alot of extra food and I've probably gained 10# and not all good weight.  Oh, well, only 29.I can still work it off, right? RIGHT?

I'm looking forward to the weekend.  Last one went fast and I get to call my family on Sunday.  Hopefully, everyone is okay.  It's still weird to me that I'm here and that everyone is out and still life goes on.. when you're here you think of being out but when you get out you don't think of being locked up.



Today is today..the day begins the same, but sitting in here, I forget my name.

I'm a number to you , so what do I do...

sit and contemplate, waiting for my parole date...will it ever come...probably to the shock of some, but it's for my good.

I wouldn't change this life if I could..It's made me who I am today, can't you tell me it will be okay?


 You're not the same...I;m not the same, but we play the game and tonight I'm to blame...for all the names up in my brain...who I'll see -who won't look at me for I'm a 6X felon but it's over now

April 4, 2010
Sunday
Today, I got up and got ready for church and waited until 9:30, then went and pushed the button and asked if they had church.  It was cancelled for Conference, so I went back to sleep for an hour. I woke up and they were calling 4 people out at a time to get tattoo checks.  I went down there to the sqt office and they asked if i had any ...Nope...NONE?  No-- they made me strip.  Me naked, in front of two cops...I have never been naked in front of so many guys as I have in prison.  Hmmmm..Interesting.

   It snowed last night, so I didn't want to go outside.  It's Easter Sunday, so they gave us two boiled eggs for breakfast.  I guess it's easy to find eggs when they are on your tray...

I got to talk to my family today and it seems that the 30 minutes goes by too fast.  I watched Celebrity Apprentice tonight.  It was pretty good.  They showed "Friday Night Lights" and "Blind Side"..both good shows. Listened to America's top 40 with Ryan Seacrest.  I love how music makes me feel in a good mood and the time goes by quick...
Tired...more tomorrow...

APRIL6  2010

Hey...I had commissary delivered last night and they only sent me 3 stamps instead of the 7, I ordered, so I'm sending everything together.  I don't know if Ash has email hooked up yet or if you can just send her letter I wrote to her.  The days have been flying by.

I received alot of letters post marked form the week of March 20th.  So I'm trying to write everyone that wrote to me.  I don't know how much of my letters they read so if they ask questions it's easier to write back, otherwise I would probably be repeating myself.

I am having my friend "Rooster" move in on Friday , so I can get the China man out of the cell.  He is alright, but can't read, so he wants to tell me stories.  He must forget that he tells them to me, because he will tell me the same one and it will be alot different.  Oh well, they are funny to listen to.

Are you just scanning my papers onto the computer?  I was hoping that someone was doing a service project and typing them up.  what? No one is that bored?  Well, I was going to see if you did type them, shrink the font and send them back into me.  I like to re-read them and I forget what I've written and sometimes repeat myself.

Thank you for all your letters you have sent.  It's good to have a little connection with the outside world.

I look forward to getting out and can't wait to have a do-over. Ha.  But it will be good.

Well, I have to get this in the mail box before they close the door.  Remember who you are, and that we are all children of God and that He knows us personally and that He wants what's best for all of us.  And if we just ask Him, He will bless us more than you know.  He has blessed me in here so much and it's little things that you wouldn't even think would be a big deal but it makes a huge difference!

I know the Church is true and that Jesus Christ died for my sins and that I can be forgiven.  I look forward to the day that our family can be together again.

I love all of you and hope and pray that all of you are doing well.  I'm okay so don't worry too much about me.  I pray daily and nightly for you all. Stay close to the Lord and whatever trials you are going through , know that you can make it through them.  I am living proof of this.

I'm going to try and all Sunday at 5:00
 with Love always,
CORD

Happy Easter Phone call from Gunnison

We awoke Easter Sunday to a snowy white morning that gave way to brilliant sunshine with the powdery white stuff sparkling above the brightness of the sun (SON) maybe a little like Joseph Smith said when he saw God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ in the Sacred Grove. Beautiful morning and today is EASTER SUNDAY AND GENERAL CONFERENCE!!! What a double treat!

My mind always goes to McCord in prison...with a pang of homesickness to see his face...to hug him and love him as a mother does... wondering if he is safe and well. We haven't received mail from him since he got moved to Gunnison. Does he get to go outside and feel the warmth of the sun on his face? Did he get to change cell mates? Is he getting enough food? Is he able to watch General Conference there? Did he get his tv (he has to rent it for $11.00 a month to get basic channels). Is he learning his life lessons? Is he learning to Love the Lord?

Thoughts of the atonement swirl around in my brain all day and as I listened to the many wonderful Conference talks about our Savior's life and especially what He went through in Gethsemene...for you and for me...and for our sweet son, McCord.... my heart swelled with love... repentance, forgiveness...so many gifts that our Savior gave to us that day. He chose to lay down his life for us...giving his life on the cross that we might all LIVE AGAIN with our loved ones and with our Heavenly Father! Eternal Life! and YES! He TRULY rose from the dead!

We tried to get ahold of Steph as McCord wanted to talk to his children. Taylar is still in California with Grandpa Tom and Landon is with Steph, but she wouldn't answer her texts or phone, so when our home phone rang at 5:00, we all knew that it was McCord and he would be greatly disappointed not to get to talk to them.

He said he hasn't been able to get commissary until tonite and he didn't have any more envelopes to mail his letters out to us....that is why we haven't been getting letters.

He will get to change cellmates next Friday as there will be a 3 way trade, so McCord will be with a "friend" he knew in Utah county jail. Is this a good thing?

He did not get to listen to Conference and they didn't hold church today either. He was disappointed but will get an Ensign next month, so he will be able to read it.

He said he has only received one letter from dad. His cellmate just got a letter dated three weeks earlier, so the mail is definitely on Pony Express timeframe.

We pray that time passes quickly for him (not ponyexpress) and that he will be able to make the necessary changes in his life...and because our Savior gave us ALL the greatest gift of all....we can change our lives and become Sons and Daughters of Christ through faith on the Lord, Jesus Christ, if we repent and come unto Him.

That is a mother's plea...that all her children will embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ and be a Forever Family throughout eternity! Happy Easter to you all!