A LETTER!

December 15, 2010

Yesterday, we had "T.C." Therapeutic Community. We have it every six weeks and it is where everyone gets to showcase their talents-whether it be a joke, talent, skit, art, whatever.

So DXC and I (that's Cameron) got together and collaborated on a few songs. First, we did a Christmas song, "Somebody SNITCHED on me!" (Cord is sending the words he wrote out in his next letter), but I changed the words to Prison and HOPE people. It was very funny. Then we played "Imagine" by John Lennon and finished up with "O Holy Night" and "What Child is this?" It was fun.

I do not like that the guitar is half steel strings and half nylon. The prison people have to put the bottom three strings nylon, so that inmates don't steal the strings and make a tattoo needle out of them! (Who would've thought??)

Not much has been going on the last couple of days. Just into my daily "routine" and just waiting for the holidays to be over with and get the NEW YEAR on it's way.

December 17, 2010 Friday

We had a new guy transfer over from another section. He is on RRG. He had to trade sections because he found out someone was going to write a pull up on him, so he held a pencil to the guy's neck and told him if he wrote another pull up on him, he would stick him in the neck. He had to go E-LEVEL for a little bit and now he's back. WEll, my section counselor figured I would be the best one to handle him, so now he is in our section. I had to stay up this morning and baby sit him.

I had to put in a request to see the Dr. I've had a rash on my head and under one arm pit for a couple weeks, so he gave me some hydrocortisone cream to clear it up. He said it's not unusual to get irritations in prison. I't not the cleanest place in here and you get different germs and viruses.

Well, it's almost Christmas and I'm almost done with the HOPE program and then I'll be home free! YEAH.

January 4 2011

I can't believe that is the New Year! I'm down to 90 days and I'm ready to get out of here. I watched The Bachelor last night and it gives me hope that there are still hot women out there. ha.

I had an O.k. Christmas. I'm just glad that it's over. My family came to visit me last Monday and I'm glad that my kids had a good Christmas.

I was surprised to see so many Christmas cards in the mail...alot of family and friends showing their support for me. I REALLY appreciate it.

Now onto my HOPE program..... The last couple weeks, have been stressful. We have a crew boss meeting every Wednesday and we go through the crews and state problems. WE also vote on people's STEP advancements . Those wanting to advance had to fill out an application and state why and what they have done that would warrant them getting the next step. Then, all the crew bosses vote.

Well, there were two applications of inmates that were going for their Step 4. They weren't crew bosses or anything, but they just wanted it. I thought, since I am a step 4 and had to work hard being a crew boss and (now Jr. Mentor) that they really didn't deserve to go up a step yet. So I voted no. The Sr. Mentor asked me why and I had to give my reasons. Usually the vote is unanimous for and rarely is anyone against. When we voted, I guess I persuaded people to vote against too and both for and against were split, with the against winning by one vote.

The crew boss meetings are "supposed" to be confidential, but one of the crew bosses came back and told the two being voted on, how the voting went. They were mad at me and I asked how they found out as the meeting was supposed to be kept under wraps. They acted like they didn't know what I was talking about. (I had put all my clothes in my laundry and then walked without my shirt to the shower, which we aren't supposed to do, so the one guy ran up to me and said he was writing a pull up on me...) A bunch of other passive/aggressive behaviors went on -making vindictive calls etc...

The section counselor found out and wanted the person or people who broke confidentiality to come forward (in 10 seconds)...of course, no one did, so he took all our leadership steps down one, so now I'm a step 3 again. No laying on my bed again, no weights til after noon, no washer/drier, microwave....etc. so now my whole routine is screwed up. But one good thing about all of this, is that since I'm being assertive in the community, they promoted me to a Jr. mentor. It's better than the RRG crew boss, but it definitely is more stressful!

So, that's the nwe drama in my lfie. And it seems that time is going more quickly when there is drama going on. I'm down to 89 days or something. SThen I get to worry about what's really important...my family and me staying clean. What is crazy is that it's a fresh start, but in a way, it's not.

1-12-2011 Wednesday

Yesterday one of my buddy's got out, Jess Wayment. He has been locked up for 30 months and finally got out on a termination. He was one of the few people that I could actually talk to on a personal level. It's weird that he is OUT but it's just closer to when I get released.

It's been FREEZING FREEZING in here. They turn the blowers on still, even when it's negative 4 outside. The blowers just bring air in from outside so from 9 at night til 4 in the morning, it's FREEZING> It reminds me of when I was a little kid and we would to to Storehouse Market. They had a walk in cooler section and as soon as you walk in you would get blasted by the arctic air. That's EXACTLY how the blower feels. I woke up at 2 a.m. and had to pee. But I held it so I didn't have to get out from under my blankets. ha

I'm really getting nervous to get out. Call it institutionalized or whatever, but eventually you do get used to being locked up and it still bothers you that you're locked up but, you are just ok, I guess, with doing your time. I hate this feeling! I know once I get out, I can stay out. I'm jsut scared for the transition part of it. Being out and being broke, being in debt, not really having self-confidence, I guess is what I'm worried about.

But I'll be FINE! the thing about trials is ...you go through them and you usually come out fine.

So, the CUCF menu changed to match the draper menu. The food is nasty and the portions are a lot smaller. The only thing about being in Gunnison that was better than Draper was the menu!

I started my "Phase 3" groups. They are supposed to be one time a week. I need 12 groups and then I'll be graduated! I already have 4 so I'm getting close.

Not having my step 4 at night is driving me nuts. I'm so tired at night and take a nap from 5-6 then it's all I can do to stay up til 10:30 p.m. I guess that's what happens when you turn 30. More tomorrow.....

Experience is simply something we name our mistakes....Oscar Wilde

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Mike and I took Taylar in to see Cord yesterday (1-15-2011) He had shaved his beard which was coming in SOOO black, it was crazy. Tay was scared of it and she was so glad that it was gone. She said I hated those weird little black hairs coming out of your face!

Cord reported that there was a crazy meeting with all the leaders in the prison-counselors, guards etc. about the crew boss who had told about the last meeting. This prisoner was supposed to graduate from HOPE and he finally fessed up thinking they wouldn't let him graduate. DUH. He actually had to go to RRG which is where he is locked up 24/7 and only gets out for one hour every three days!!! and they took his months of being in HOPE away! The leaders were very upset, so Cord thinks they might be getting their step back. He was looking forward to that.

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IT is CORD'S BIRTHDAY!!!!on February 6 2011...30 years old. If anyone wants to send him a Birthday card. He really did appreciate so many of you writing Christmas cards to him. Thank you.